Daily, Hyper Island

First day of school…again


No Comments

Nervous excitement. Today is the beginning of Graduation Week at Hyper Island. We have not seen each other for 7 months and I am beyond stoked to meet everyone.

It’s the end of the beginning! The beginning of a life outside of school. Who knows, maybe I’ll start studying something again or just take courses (because we all know one has to keep the mind fresh).

All I’m feeling is:
HELLO NEW LIFE! It will be a pleasure to meet you.

Daily, Writings

Peeling layers of thought


No Comments

I’ve been writing all day. I went to Haymarket, looked around in the beautiful milieu and had a coffee, or two actually, very important.
The act of going to a place to write, is special. You designate time to write. I don’t do that very often, but when I do, I cherish every second.
I mostly wrote “bullshit” today. I didn’t even attempt to start on a story, a couple of poems though. I mainly wrote down thoughts and observations of late to rinse my head from dying thoughts.
I believe that when one undergoes change, a mental change that is, the previous thought-patterns die. They’re replaced with the new knowledge, perspectives and deeper understandings one has acquired throughout days, weeks, months.
Change is peculiar because a human can change over night from an experience and sometimes, if nothing extraordinary happens, the change takes time.

All I know is that I have new thoughts. I see the world differently and it is exciting albeit a bit terrifying because I am shifting values. What used to be important does not feel as important any longer. As a result, my future might look different than I’ve been thinking it would.

I know I will be driven towards a cause rather than a goal. What that cause is, I am yet to figure out.

adventures, Daily, Photos

Freedom on a bike


No Comments

I’ve been to Italy, in Padergnone. I biked there. Surrounded by mountains, fluffy trees sprinkled in green, lakes of emerald green, we flew forward. At least it felt like it. A sensation of freedom, one that got me all happy-tears-eyed. I looked at my father and brother biking before me and I, as I often do, was struck by immense love for them. I wept some more behind my golden Ray’s.
“Sensitive” would some say, “High on life and love” I’d respond 😉

IMG_2860IMG_2887

I’m sick of surpressing emotions. I used to get uncomfortable when my mom started crying for e v e r y t h i n g, now I love it (although I can’t help but mocking her a little when she cries over a cute bottle of wine or something). People are so held together these days, I prefer raw emotions. It’d be easier to decipher a person and get close if we became better at painting our inner states before each other, letting go of barriers and accept the feeling.

IMG_3056IMG_3051IMG_3032

My skin has changed color and my freckles have left hibernation. This weekend, the weather showed us just how amazing Stockholm can be. Today the temperature is steadily dropping, clouds cover the sky, the mood is mellow and I am swooning. This is the perfect writing moment. It’s when I’m filled with adventures and new experiences that I can relax and more than happily slide into writer’s mode. My mind feels pregnant. Filled with thoughts that are dying to be born into word combinations.

Jacob climbed Monte Bondone the fastest and hence “won” over the older youngsters. I missed my sister but apart from that it was splendid spending time with family and extended family. Splendid in the way of comfort and safety, unconditional love and support.

Daily, Writings

LEVEL UP: Adulthood


No Comments

I sleep a lot these days. It’s as if my body and mind are slowly thawing, waking up from this winter’s hibernation. Spring is stalling and it’s frustrating to see the buds do everything in their power to come through but instead they get pushed back by frosty nights.

I am traveling to Italy next Tuesday. I picture myself there, in the hotel room that I will have for myself, not even sharing it with my brother because apparently that’s, unbeknownst to me, a perk of becoming/being an adult; you get your own room. I see how I will run up and down the hills, sink my body into the ocean and let the whole universe disappear above me.

When I’m there I should study psychology. I’ve taken myself through this course, this semester, but I am behind and on the 4th of June everything should be handed in. A major stress, because my performance-anxiety tells me to stay awake every night and study, my mind and rational self on the other hand, tells me something else. I’ve been wanting to study psychology for three years and I’ve been toying with the thought of studying it full-time. But now that I have, I’ve realized that the study of psychology; is not my kind of psychology.

I’ve this natural interest and curiosity for behaviors, traits, interactions etc. An interest which sparks a lot of questions, questions I want answers to, but not by going to school for five years. As this course has unraveled I’ve gained an insight; studying psychology takes away my curiosity for it. When I write my exams and tasks I tend to spiral away into philosophy and instead of answering the question, I ask more. It becomes more of a thesis that I write for myself instead of an answer to the given task.
This is a comforting insight and some sort of validation on me progressing as a human (that sounds rather pretentious). What I mean is that I feel quite done with questioning myself and “what I should do in life”. I have my line of work. I want to make film. Forever and ever (as of right now at least). Psychology will be my hobby.
I don’t have endless of years and I have to choose where I direct my energy, and it’s not by diving deep into psychology.

Daily, Photos

36 Squeeze Meter Party


No Comments

IMG_0239

Last weekend Nils and I threw a moving-in party, which I named, cleverly, (if I may say so myself) “36 Squeeze Meter Party”. We had around 40 people here and the night was a blast. Some friends brought a smoke machine which altered the experience and turned our apt into a club. In the midst of partying, Fredrik asked us all to join in on a mantra. Within seconds, all of us sat down on the floor and sang along to:

Parvati’s Peace Song

It was amazing! It’s powerful to be in a crowd and sing together.

IMG_1586IMG_1562IMG_1591

My family came too, as well as Nils’s sister! The best parties are the ones with a mixed crowd. GAH. Can’t get over how much I love to host and have all my favorites at one place.

The last friends left at 3 and Nils and I fell asleep like two happy, satisfied campers. Like this happy:

FullSizeRender 16

adventures, Daily, Photos

Fun Friends and Urban Burners


No Comments

These past couple days have been amazing, despite feeling completely blue Sat-Wednesday. But then on Wednesday a bunch of my friends, from all different kind of circles, met up at Carmen. We said goodbye to one Indian who’s going to Amsterdam and Hi to our long lost friends that have been back in India for too many months.

Sonja looks like she’s checking someone out real bad. 

IMG_8961

 

On Thursday Chris and I met up with a wonderful person who we’re helping filming her wedding-speech. Such a beautiful thing to take part in such a private project! Her love and happiness rubbed off on me big time.

After that it was time for a well-needed 24h hang with my girls! We went to Uppsala for a night. We ate baguettes with delicious toppings, drank cava and wine and then headed out for a fun night.
We started at Bierhaus, moved on to Shotluckan where they had really cool shots and we devoured them like horses devour grass.
With shots in our bellies we moved on to Flustret where we danced to the live-act, performed by Blackness!

The night was fun with a lot of dancing. The day after we had brekkie, talked, played cards and then we slothed our way back to Stockholm.

I arrived home, took a nap and then headed to Nils’s parents where we hung out for a while till’ the whole gang took an uber to Nobelberget to attend Urban Burn. My friends have an exhibition there now so we all have passes. It was neat to be in a place where people’s attitudes are all about openness, love and “being who one is”.

IMG_4240IMG_3233IMG_0016

We were glittery and the sky was a rainbow.

Writings

Fall. In. Love. Again. and. Again


No Comments

I fell in love three days ago when we sat in the bed of a friend, surrounded by friends, and we made jokes that no one else gets
This morning you walked into the bathroom as a bearded man
When you came out you had shed your beard
I on the other hand, shed nothing
I only layered up with love,
I fell,
for you
again

I’ve known that love, that overused word, becomes stronger over time
I feel it for friends every time I meet them
I fall in love with them
It’s the self-explanatory kind of love,
the one that tells me that whatever evil you, my friend, might do to me,
I’ll always love you

With you on the other hand
When I fall, over
and
over
stronger
and stronger

It’s not with certainty
It comes in shockwaves
As if you baffle me with your sheer existence,
and you’re standing there, open to my loving you
Who am I then to not be completely absorbed
To not take my chance on falling
in
love
again
When it’s the greatest experience of them all

The difference is that whatever evil you might do to me
I won’t always love you
I won’t forgive

Perhaps that’s the reason to why I let myself lean in into what is us
Because I know that it’s not for certain
So I take my chances with braveity
For it’s the only way I will know
that whatever pain might come my way because of you
at least I loved whole-heartedly, with every piece of me
and when one has done that
there are no regrets
no wrong-doings
nothing that could have been done differently