I pull my hair in what’s a combination of stress and frenzy. It’s dry and frazzled. I’ve been expecting it to fall off this winter. A winter that has been too long and cold. I’ve also been expecting myself to run away several times but I never have. Instead I’ve tucked the notion of other world’s far back into my mind next to pillars of budgets and other necessary practicalities.
Baby-steps, my friend reminded me.
You are hurried in life, my partner said and gazed steadfast into my eyes.
Deep, patient breaths along with the understanding of phases, are what I’m forcing myself to be guided by this year.
As a curious, restless being it’s difficult to settle with anything that is.
I question, reconsider, think again, question more, toss and turn what is to see what may be. Career-wise, loveships, friendships, living situation, as a matter of fact – all parts of life.
I see different lives fly me by and I wonder if that could be me and what that ‘I’ would think of it. Not out of dissatisfaction neccessarily but rather out of curiosity and “Would it be possible?”.
I’m learning to be content in my current situation and remain there for a while. Something that is a new occurrence for me and I guess that is an adventure in itself too. For if I learn it, I allow myself to make the most out of the now and when one does that, all adventures and new situations become a welcome extra.
– J
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