A Stockholm Chimera

There lies peace in this morning, it is nesting on the streets, huddling together with relief in a solemn embrace.
Our beautiful city is a memory now, it exists in a thousands of digital and analogue photo albums, and in the minds of those who wandered these streets.
Some of them, or many rather, are not here to testify what once was, for they are dead. Minds who can’t speak of how bustling this city was during summer nor how quiet it was during winter.
They’ll never be able to say how many of the cherry trees actually blossomed in Kungsträdgården this summer, nor will any survivors, for the trees, just as the people, are gone. They were bombed before they had the chance to blossom into life.

In the quiet of the truce and in the wait for the end of this war, I think to myself – can one tell if the morning has broken if one wasn’t there to see the sun rupture the sky in half?
How can we know for sure that war on the opposite end of our globe is happening, if we have not heard the machine-guns shatter bodies into a million pieces? More importantly, who takes the time to care?

These are the types of thoughts I surround myself with. They are my best friends at night for they make everything seem mythical and diminutive, but during daytime they become my enemies. They give me hope in that that I want to believe, eagerly so, in humankind, and that we aren’t forgotten. This is why they are my enemies – hope in this situation is a curse.

A day of everything

Started this day off with a casting for a commercial. I got to run around on a basket-court and felt very much at home (not with the basket, but the running). It’s my first casting where I get to be physically active and truly felt like the acting came more naturally since movement is kind of engraved into my DNA.

I then headed to school where we got divided into new teams and I chose a client which sparked my interest more than any other clients thus far – growingminds.se  http://www.battreskolor.se , all part of the Reinvent Learning Foundation . I hope to get to deep-dive into their research and talk to neuroscientists about their insights in the field and what they think is the ideal environment for kids to learn in. I’m still waiting for my approval/dismissal from antagning.se to see whether I will start studying Psychology I this semester or no… I really, really hope I will. Fingers crossed.

At 5pm I met up with my former team-mates at Nytorget 6, where we met with a couple of ICA-employees who wanted to show their appreciation for the concept we did for them by treating us with a dinner.

Now it’s time for a workout and some work for SnabbaSvar (if you want to do market research surveys, this is the service for you ;)) Gracelessly promoting!). 

Saturday Morning Thoughtlings

His warm body slides down next to mine, despite the early hour, I am too awake for my own good. I steal kisses even though I know he would have prefered me not noticing his arrival, because he doesn’t want to disturb me. It must be around 4-5 in the morning and now that I’m awake I can’t find the platform to the sleep-train.

I toss and turn for a while, I want to be close, I want his heartbeat to sway me back to sleep but his chest hurts my ear and I end up next to him instead.

The alarm goes off, yanks me out of sleep and allows all the uncanny dreams I’ve been having surface to my consciousness. We cuddle and he is in good spirits as usual, I feel like a dream-walker, not really asleep and not in reality just yet.

In a jiffy he’s out the door, he leaves with an “I love you” but I don’t hear so he looks at me long-faced. He repeats and I repeat.

Whilst I’m breaking my fast I look at the dreary sky, feeling happy that time is moving slowly today and I let out a small wish saying “Please weather, stay gloomy.”

In the distance I hear the cavalry choirs sing to the comforting tone of a church bell, they make for an interesting combination, I think of it as a chant of war and faith. The tune is abruptly disturbed by the noise from an ambulance. Isn’t that life in a nutshell? Whenever one is experiencing a highly satisfying moment, something disrupts it. During a deep conversation with a friend, a silent moment by the beach in the sunset, sex, etc. someone or something comes in like an extra in a movie and forces the main characters to stop doing what they’re doing. As if it’s a reminder of how life is not a silent moment by the beach, but actually filled with life at all times, and life can’t be ignored or stoved away, it simply is.


Summer Memories & the complexity of memory

Summers tend to appear blurry, days vaporize into each other and create fuzzy memories. When did I do what? What happened when? Who was I with?  Thank you Steve Jobs for creating the smartphone so I can document whatever I want to in a jiffy and remember.

Speaking of this, I wonder if I, due to the invention of the smartphone, have gotten a worse memory?  Thinking that I am less prone to remember things for myself, knowing that I always have my “buddy” in my pocket who remembers for me. Then the question is – what do I actually remember? Thinking back on my summer, I have vivid memories of some occasions, and others are gone.

It’s interesting with memory since it seems to be very selective in what it chooses to remember, but it happens without my conscious interferance, so what is the dominant decision-maker in memory selection and why does it choose to remember some things but not others?  This all adds up to if it is worth the effort to exercise ones memory in order to remember more clearly, or is it OK to leave that up to a computer? Then to a more philosophical question – WHY is the need to remember so strong? Perhaps it is a type of receipt on that I have lived.

Anyhow, here is my summer in phone-shots. Starting from this last week to the beginning of summer.

Cacophony Misfortune

I can’t bear the sounds of the world,
how they catapult and throw themselves upon each other
combined into a hollow scream
containing all horror created by mankind

Ghastly moans from a neglected child
The solemn sigh from a lonely soul
A silent sob, one the citizens of the world
has heard too many times, from a mother
who has lost her child

The earth is forced to listen
but earth has no ears,
hence it does not care
We on the other hand, us, the humans,
we listen
but we choose not to care

– J

The Four-legged Ones


I’ve stumbled upon a bunch of cute animals lately, here’s an excerpt from the encounters.


This is Mila, named after Mila Kunis, she belongs to Nils mother and sister. What a stunner eh?


These summer-cats had it great compared to all the summer-cats here in Sweden that are bought by families, brought out to their summer-houses, only to be left there when their vacations are over. These ones lived in a big room with their mama, had plenty of food, water and toys and awaited their new families.



Went completely haywire with the camera over this scene, Mila in the old Jaguar, with the clouds mirrored in the windows – ah, it all felt very cinematic.


A wonderful place called Skäret


Last week was spent at Skäret, Skåne, with Nils family.

I was excited and a tad skittish about hanging out with his family for the first time, but it all went fine without any major disasters. They took me on tours around the surroundings in his fathers Jaguar Mark  II from 1960-something, which was the first time ever that I sat in a car that old! The scenery over there is amazing, little hills, big forests, huge fields, flowers, fauna, the ocean and on top of all that – dramatic skies. We ate great food (a lot of fish), swam and explored!


I’m now initiated into the world of veteran cars, I was not aware of the bond the “veteran cars”-owners have, they wave to each other, they go to veteran-meetings etc. And apparently, if something breaks down in your car, like the battery, you can’t buy a new battery, no, it has to be (at least look like one) an old battery.


En route to celebrate this beautiful couple’s 30th wedding anniversary at Rut På Skäret.


Mila – The Stunner.


We visited Krapperups Castle which had a surrounding moat, a perfect garden AND koi-fishes in the pond!


Note to self: Don’t you ever again attempt to capture the starry sky when drunk. You’ll be left with going through 60 useless pictures.