Suddenly the limbo-state in which I’ve found myself to be in for a while, cleared up and showed me what it was actually about.
I’ve felt torn between running my own business and waiting for someone else to command me to do something. I’ve wanted to start my own company since I was 16 (I’m now 23) and when it finally happened, a couple of months back, I felt the immediate joy of starting up but not the long-lasting enjoyment of it.
My whole life I’ve been in school or at a job with rules to follow, a boss/teacher to listen to. I’ve been told what to do, what the next step will be and what my task is – for 22 years.
Those are many years under command.
Now, forgive my incapability of understanding this seemingly simple fact:
I am now my own boss.
The discrepancy and confusion occurs in this newly-found freedom, the privilege of being able to choose how to lead ones life but first and foremost: how to do it.
I’ve experienced a certain need to be told what to do since we started Yadi Yada. Therefore, when we got our first clients I felt reassured, like a sweet safety-blanket that was wrapped around me, a recognition of familiarity – someone finally tells me what to do.
Which is the complete opposite of what I had been yearning for right? I now understand that in order for me to fully and wholly absorb the concept of being the captain of my own ship, I have to give it some time, wrapped in patience, to reach the entrepreneur-harbour. Boring conclusion maybe but as I am settling in into adulthood it becomes more and more obvious that I am in charge of my life. And since I am now choosing to live my life the way I do, I have to, on a subconscious level, truly understand that I, and no one else, is in charge of every step.
There’s no sitting around and being told what to do, it’s what I’ve been trying to get away from for so long! And now that I’m finally there I see that;
with freedom comes even greater responsibility.
I hereby surrender myself to:
Myself as my own boss.
Which involves:
– 0 blame-game; I can only blame myself when shit hits the fan.
– Responsibility of my own actions; I’m pushing my dear nemesis Laziness out of Burj Khalifa.
– Bravery; No one really cares what I take on. What is important is that I am enjoying it.
– Routines and structure; not much to say here, everyone knows that it’s the way to go if life is made happening, instead of happening to you.
– Proactivity; there’s always something I can do to push me in the right direction for my professional life. If I don’t have a task at hand I will educate myself in different softwares, story-telling etc.
Autumn and the rest of my life:
Hit me! 😀
Josie Mattsson 