Daily

Daily, Writings

See and make seen


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I didn’t know you for long.
A day after your death I backtracked how long we actually had known each other for.
I counted two months, an insight which lead to instant disappointment because in this world we put the length of any relationship on a piedestal.

I pushed that annoying inkling of disappointment away because in my world I treasure the impact of a relationship, how we affected each other during our time together. I now know that two months can be as wholly as 5 years.

We were becoming friends but more than that too because you were the first person I dared to think of as a possible mentor.
Your manners toward others inspired me. You made everyone feel seen at the same time as you jokingly teased them about a minor detail in their own manners.

I witnessed how you brought those manners to the surface and I saw in the persons face that no one, except himself, had ever noticed it, which in return left him smiling.

You saw and made seen, in the most loving, joyful of ways.

As autumn came marching in and the first rain fell heavily, we stood waiting to go out for lunch. I said something in the likes of “Into the darkness we go…” you looked at me with a half-smile and a shrug, saying “I know many people don’t like this weather but I’ve always seen it as something beautiful because it’s as if the world becomes clean.”

I never told you how much I appreciated you, I never had the chance to ask you if you could be my mentor, even after I would’ve quit. Because we thought we had time, you said it constantly “focus on this now, we’ll dive into that later” but Gustaf, you know, later never came.
Thank you for teaching me, in the most horrid of ways, never to hold back on declarations of love.

Rain was pouring down when I walked home from the subway tonight. Out of nowhere I was struck by your words, as if the rain itself whispered in your voice “The world gets clean”.

So from here on now my friend, I promise that I’ll forever keep that glittery view of the world in mind whenever it cleans, I mean rains.

Daily, Writings

Momentarily Truths


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The eyes we meet, the words we speak
in the now we guess
in the morrow we know
the words were spoken
but the guessings were broken
the eyes we met fret nothing
the mind to which the eyes belonged,
listened to understand
did its’ utter most to grasp
drew conclusions even

but you know, as I know
we’re built off of momentarily truths
for change is inevitable as such
it boils us down to nothing
until tomorrow gives us something
and so the story goes on
about those who knew
until they knew anew

Daily, stories, Writings

Sizzling Connection


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Between two souls lie a path
it’s riddled with obstacles
they hold hands and on the path they
play
jump
run
dodge to the ground
one looks forward
one looks backward
so to keep an eye open for all that may intervene
they hord experiences along the way
picking fruits from each other’s brains
They’re feasting off of each other
Cherishing the moment they found one another
the ones they’re in, the ones that will come

One day one of the souls hopes it’s hallucinating
for in the horizon the path is sectioning
From forces, as well as reasons, unbeknownst to both
they’re forced into separation
Not by will for who wants to end such a thrill?
Rather, an inkling of something undeclared
perhaps a future not shared

They cry and grasp for each other
scream and shout as their fingers disentangle

Behind them the path dissolves
onto their own they go

In the torture they find comfort
if they met by chance ones
it may happen twice, if not;

Daily, Writings

Your mind goes beautifully with that dress


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You tell me how beautiful I look
how my dress makes you shook
Your body leaves no doubt
it yearns for mine with all its might
Your compliments I sow,
for vanity is not to tow
however
My looks are in diminuendo
my mind’s a brave crescendo
Filled with deviations
in need of attention
Attempting to be all it can
learning to play with what’s at hand
to be a
kinder
wiser
loving
version
perhaps even a brilliant person
Despite my mindful aspirations
I’ve never once heard you utter words
of earnest appreciation

Daily, Writings

Learning how to be content


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I pull my hair in what’s a combination of stress and frenzy. It’s dry and frazzled. I’ve been expecting it to fall off this winter. A winter that has been too long and cold. I’ve also been expecting myself to run away several times but I never have. Instead I’ve tucked the notion of other world’s far back into my mind next to pillars of budgets and other necessary practicalities.

Baby-steps, my friend reminded me.
You are hurried in life, my partner said and gazed steadfast into my eyes.

Deep, patient breaths along with the understanding of phases, are what I’m forcing myself to be guided by this year.

As a curious, restless being it’s difficult to settle with anything that is.
I question, reconsider, think again, question more, toss and turn what is to see what may be. Career-wise, loveships, friendships, living situation, as a matter of fact – all parts of life.
I see different lives fly me by and I wonder if that could be me and what that ‘I’ would think of it. Not out of dissatisfaction neccessarily but rather out of curiosity and “Would it be possible?”.

I’m learning to be content in my current situation and remain there for a while. Something that is a new occurrence for me and I guess that is an adventure in itself too. For if I learn it, I allow myself to make the most out of the now and when one does that, all adventures and new situations become a welcome extra.

– J

Daily, Writings

Insights with great impact, drawn from tiny moments


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The four of us sat in an Airbnb bed, freshly arrived into an Amsterdam in February shroud, sipping Cava and red wine.
A constellation of friends that has not been obvious but rather worked on. Connected through our eagerness to connect, out of curiosity for one another.
Sharing memories of current and former boyfriends through videos. I on the other hand, showed a video of me and my dogs.
With swollen tongues we later fell into a discussion of the enveloping of life-events. C outed the idea of; whatever should happen, will happen.
Whilst S promptly argumented that; No! It can’t solely be by chance can it?! Certainly we must be in more control than so? And isn’t that a lazy thought? To simply relax into the notion of life’s motion?
Well, C argued, inbetween those events you make decisions and those you can control but the outcome of those decisions are not in your control.

Daily, Writings

Intelligent scum


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What if
people a hundred years from now
will look back at us
in the” rich” world
and ask:
Why didn’t you stop this from happening?
There are no flowers any longer
We have no trees
The bees
no longer buzz around our elbows and knees
The sun is scorching our skin
water tastes like tin
How could you forget nature is a living thing?
Strangle it
and it shall die
Who always survives the harshest conditions?
Parasites
Virus
Multiresistant bacteria
Termites

Humans

We are intelligent scum
Let’s be intelligent life