Author: Josiemattsson

adventures, Daily

Gorillaz, The National and Ella Blondes


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I’m still in bed, 2pm on a Saturday. I’m scavenging the Internet for interesting articles, new tech, business-tips and psychology-papers.
Nah, not quite. I’m scanning the web for clothes and blogs 😉

Look at this beauty. This tree made me incredibly happy and it lives right by us! What a perk.
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I’m in shut-up quarantine because I lost my voice last Friday and so it’s been an interesting week in terms of “how to communicate without a voice”. I’ve been dealing with it on 3 concerts, business-meetings, as well as during random encounters with cashiers, door-holders (been wheezing out a “sääänk you”) and when I’ve tried to get my dog to listen to me.

I’m in awe of everyone who is mute/deaf. I’ve been feeling a lot like a prisoner in my own mind, but then again, I don’t know sign-language hence I can’t communicate that way. It brought me to the conclusion of how ignorant it is that sign-language is not a mandatory class in schools, at least not in Sweden.
Why dismiss the ability to communicate with a large amount of the population?
I’ll just have to learn on my own I guess!

Anyhow.
We went to see The National, a band Nils introduced to me, whose songs I really enjoy, until last Sunday. The front-man was a bit of a douche on stage. He started off by saying “Hey. We were out last night and so this is going to be a short, shitty show.” He was right. Except for the short-part, it was too long and shitty. He threw water on the audience on several occasions – I mean, come on, you sing slow ballads, this is not a rock-concert. My rant could go on… It was a sweet night however because we were three couples! My first triple-date ever.

The day after we went to see Gorillaz.
HOLY COW THEY ARE AMAZING. What a show! When Sex Murder Party came on I totally flipped in my euphoria. I went with these two twins whom I like very, very much.

On Tuesday I had a long-sought-after girl’s night. Stine brought facial masks and we laughed our butts off because Sonja’s mask was a bubble-mask (now whatever the purpose of that may be) and she looked a lot like the wolf-man.

Nils and I made pizza for dinner on glutenfree-dough which resulted in two massive pan-pizz. His with serrano, ruccola and champignon, mine with chevré, figs, honey and ruccola.

 

I was extremely tired last night. My new job, (first real job after my graduation!!) at this fantastic start-up called Referanza; that you all should check out because I believe that you too want your potential micro influencers to recommend your product/service/brand to all their friends, makes me happy-tired. Nonetheless, Nils and I headed to Petsound Bar yesterday to support our friends in the band Ella Blondes – they absolutely rocked it!

It’s been a pumping week so far. Time to leave bed and head to the gym for the first time in a week. Yiha!

Daily, Writings

Five Months of summer


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I walk down to the park by Karlaplan that has a fountain in the middle of it. I see the Mc Donald’s where Anna bought burgers, fries and ice-cream to our heart-broken friend. I see the bench where we sat down for an hour, talked, laughed and wiped the tears off of her cheeks, reminding her of all good that came out of their relationship.

The day after we are sipping wine on my balcony for hours on end in the first warm strokes of brighter times. We are having the type of conversations which draws you in completely and fully. Where all of my attention is on the four eyes before me, their thoughts, which they formulate into words and land in my mind. In those moments I always think: this is what I keep on living for. This connection, the sharing of past experiences and the now, the stubborn will to understand, the urge to be there for one another and the quiet crackling of invisible bonds being made.

I took a photo, of course, and they damned me for being insensitive.
“I’m crying Josie, damn it! Could you just not take a photo right now?!”
I utter an excuse but in my mind I’m thinking: I need to capture this moment.
I want to remember.

That was the start of this summer and all of a sudden, as I am looking at the fountain, the memories from it come spiraling down from the sky and I experience it all again in a miniscule version.

It’s the 29th of October today, yet christmas seems further away than the summer we recently left behind does. Because it never stopped. I couldn’t believe it, is this my life now? One endless party with amazing, intriguing people who seem to be appearing out of nowhere.

The fountain keeps splashing water on me but I don’t care, I’m stuck in reflection.
What have these past months done to me?
They made me grow.
As a friend, a partner, a family-member, a professional, a party-animal 😉

I’ve experimented with my limits a lot. I’ve pushed mental barriers away into a deep dark corner of my mind until they’ve dissolved and tried my best to set myself free, to let go of control.
I’m a firm believer in that keeping principles of how life should be lived is the main reason to feeling dissatisfied, these months became the proof of that. For never have I felt this calm within. Even in anxious moments I can remain sane in the comforting thought of: “Only because you’re feeling this right now does not mean it will be you forever.”

As kids we explore, try and fail. As adults we try so hard to remain the same. Maybe because it’s worked so far, maybe because it’s the easy way out.
These past experiences became an important reminder of that without this pushing of myself, I’d never would have reached who I am today. A version of me that is probably the best one so far, something I’m very proud of.
It’s due to a little push from within but mainly thanks to each and every person that I’ve had the privilege to spend time with.

I’m going to keep pushing, exploring and experimenting.

I will grow but I will never grow up.

With that motivational quote, I leave you 😉

Daily, Writings

Stockings too thin


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Shoulders up by my ears
Freezing wind, forcing tears
A jacket too cold
Stockings too thin
Autumn begging to begin

Kisses from him
Comforts me in the whirlwind
of endings; beginnings
losses; winnings

Every winter I flee
to a land with endless green leaves

Yet I remain
for here are my kin
keeping me warm from within

Daily, Writings

The elusive concept of being one’s own boss


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Suddenly the limbo-state in which I’ve found myself to be in for a while, cleared up and showed me what it was actually about.

I’ve felt torn between running my own business and waiting for someone else to command me to do something. I’ve wanted to start my own company since I was 16 (I’m now 23) and when it finally happened, a couple of months back, I felt the immediate joy of starting up but not the long-lasting enjoyment of it.

My whole life I’ve been in school or at a job with rules to follow, a boss/teacher to listen to. I’ve been told what to do, what the next step will be and what my task is – for 22 years.
Those are many years under command.

Now, forgive my incapability of understanding this seemingly simple fact:
I am now my own boss.

The discrepancy and confusion occurs in this newly-found freedom, the privilege of being able to choose how to lead ones life but first and foremost: how to do it.
I’ve experienced a certain need to be told what to do since we started Yadi Yada. Therefore, when we got our first clients I felt reassured, like a sweet safety-blanket that was wrapped around me, a recognition of familiarity – someone finally tells me what to do.

Which is the complete opposite of what I had been yearning for right? I now understand that in order for me to fully and wholly absorb the concept of being the captain of my own ship, I have to give it some time, wrapped in patience, to reach the entrepreneur-harbour. Boring conclusion maybe but as I am settling in into adulthood it becomes more and more obvious that I am in charge of my life. And since I am now choosing to live my life the way I do, I have to, on a subconscious level, truly understand that I, and no one else, is in charge of every step.

There’s no sitting around and being told what to do, it’s what I’ve been trying to get away from for so long! And now that I’m finally there I see that;
with freedom comes even greater responsibility.

I hereby surrender myself to:

Myself as my own boss.

Which involves:

0 blame-game; I can only blame myself when shit hits the fan.
Responsibility of my own actions; I’m pushing my dear nemesis Laziness out of Burj Khalifa.
Bravery; No one really cares what I take on. What is important is that I am enjoying it.
Routines and structure; not much to say here, everyone knows that it’s the way to go if life is made happening, instead of happening to you.
Proactivity; there’s always something I can do to push me in the right direction for my professional life. If I don’t have a task at hand I will educate myself in different softwares, story-telling etc.

Autumn and the rest of my life:
Hit me! 😀

Daily, Photos

Party in the Park


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Nils and I traveled home from Skåne to attend Ash’s and Veronica’s massive messer. We were so hyped that we even ditched our parents meeting each other for the first time… Not good, but it was for a good cause 😉

The party started during the day and continued till’ late.

Nima was well-dressed per ush in his robe. Usually he’s not wearing anything but underwear because he hates pants. The robe was, of course, dropped later. DSC03293.jpg

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Veronica (on the left) is the best host in the world and treated us with drinks, snacks and LIFE.

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A waterwar erupted and I documented with a sneaky smile, protected behind the camera.

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As parties goes, it became messier the further into the night we got.

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A day and a half filled with funny friends and jolly moods.

Daily, Photos

Involuntary Models


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These kindred spirits have been my models since I bought my first DSLR as a 14 year old. Hence, throughout the years, I’ve collected numerous of moments, starring them as the main characters.

Thank you mamma, pappa, Jessica & Jacob (a tad reluctant at first, but he loosened up) for letting me shove lenses extremely close to your eyes and trust me with it.IMG_4558 2.JPG

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Daily, Writings

As of this moment


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Staring out on the humble rain
watching summer disintegrate

Leaves are shapeshifting
eavesdropping

to the marching band of autumn
appearing in the distance

humans, animals and plants alike
prepare to cocoon for a winter’s fortnight