life-lessons

Daily, Writings

Learning how to be content


No Comments

I pull my hair in what’s a combination of stress and frenzy. It’s dry and frazzled. I’ve been expecting it to fall off this winter. A winter that has been too long and cold. I’ve also been expecting myself to run away several times but I never have. Instead I’ve tucked the notion of other world’s far back into my mind next to pillars of budgets and other necessary practicalities.

Baby-steps, my friend reminded me.
You are hurried in life, my partner said and gazed steadfast into my eyes.

Deep, patient breaths along with the understanding of phases, are what I’m forcing myself to be guided by this year.

As a curious, restless being it’s difficult to settle with anything that is.
I question, reconsider, think again, question more, toss and turn what is to see what may be. Career-wise, loveships, friendships, living situation, as a matter of fact – all parts of life.
I see different lives fly me by and I wonder if that could be me and what that ‘I’ would think of it. Not out of dissatisfaction neccessarily but rather out of curiosity and “Would it be possible?”.

I’m learning to be content in my current situation and remain there for a while. Something that is a new occurrence for me and I guess that is an adventure in itself too. For if I learn it, I allow myself to make the most out of the now and when one does that, all adventures and new situations become a welcome extra.

– J

Daily, Writings

Insights with great impact, drawn from tiny moments


No Comments

The four of us sat in an Airbnb bed, freshly arrived into an Amsterdam in February shroud, sipping Cava and red wine.
A constellation of friends that has not been obvious but rather worked on. Connected through our eagerness to connect, out of curiosity for one another.
Sharing memories of current and former boyfriends through videos. I on the other hand, showed a video of me and my dogs.
With swollen tongues we later fell into a discussion of the enveloping of life-events. C outed the idea of; whatever should happen, will happen.
Whilst S promptly argumented that; No! It can’t solely be by chance can it?! Certainly we must be in more control than so? And isn’t that a lazy thought? To simply relax into the notion of life’s motion?
Well, C argued, inbetween those events you make decisions and those you can control but the outcome of those decisions are not in your control.

Daily, Writings

The elusive concept of being one’s own boss


No Comments

Suddenly the limbo-state in which I’ve found myself to be in for a while, cleared up and showed me what it was actually about.

I’ve felt torn between running my own business and waiting for someone else to command me to do something. I’ve wanted to start my own company since I was 16 (I’m now 23) and when it finally happened, a couple of months back, I felt the immediate joy of starting up but not the long-lasting enjoyment of it.

My whole life I’ve been in school or at a job with rules to follow, a boss/teacher to listen to. I’ve been told what to do, what the next step will be and what my task is – for 22 years.
Those are many years under command.

Now, forgive my incapability of understanding this seemingly simple fact:
I am now my own boss.

The discrepancy and confusion occurs in this newly-found freedom, the privilege of being able to choose how to lead ones life but first and foremost: how to do it.
I’ve experienced a certain need to be told what to do since we started Yadi Yada. Therefore, when we got our first clients I felt reassured, like a sweet safety-blanket that was wrapped around me, a recognition of familiarity – someone finally tells me what to do.

Which is the complete opposite of what I had been yearning for right? I now understand that in order for me to fully and wholly absorb the concept of being the captain of my own ship, I have to give it some time, wrapped in patience, to reach the entrepreneur-harbour. Boring conclusion maybe but as I am settling in into adulthood it becomes more and more obvious that I am in charge of my life. And since I am now choosing to live my life the way I do, I have to, on a subconscious level, truly understand that I, and no one else, is in charge of every step.

There’s no sitting around and being told what to do, it’s what I’ve been trying to get away from for so long! And now that I’m finally there I see that;
with freedom comes even greater responsibility.

I hereby surrender myself to:

Myself as my own boss.

Which involves:

0 blame-game; I can only blame myself when shit hits the fan.
Responsibility of my own actions; I’m pushing my dear nemesis Laziness out of Burj Khalifa.
Bravery; No one really cares what I take on. What is important is that I am enjoying it.
Routines and structure; not much to say here, everyone knows that it’s the way to go if life is made happening, instead of happening to you.
Proactivity; there’s always something I can do to push me in the right direction for my professional life. If I don’t have a task at hand I will educate myself in different softwares, story-telling etc.

Autumn and the rest of my life:
Hit me! 😀

Writings

Last hour of a 21 year old


No Comments

There it goes, this life of mine. Second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour and all of a sudden another year has passed and in that realization is nothing more but the now.

This year I’ve been treated with many new humans in my life, experiences – both physical and mental, I’ve lost my grandma, and I have ventured out on yet another journey in my own mind.

A journey which holds many questions regarding love and who to love, what to do and how to do it, follow impulses or be logical, be brave or be a coward, float in the moment or affect it, be modest or be blunt? 

All I know now is I appreciate being a thinker, needless to say I don’t need answers to everything but I appreciate the questions. They push me forward, challenge me and may make me draw elevated conclusions and decisions that would not have occurred if I didn’t think so much about…everything.

I also dare to say I know that following intuition and inner sayings is difficult in a world made up of structures and social norms, even more so than I thought before.

I’ve also started on a novel. I’ve started on many but this one is different. It plays out in my mind and lasts longer than two pages, maybe 300. I write on it, in one way or the other, a little everyday, I collect experiences and sayings which boil down into entering the book.

I long for film-sets, acting and the craft of filming. I’m starting to think that my fourteen year old self received a (quite apparent) hunch of what I want to do in life.

Life- Long -Lessons –  Not letting my own stress affect my loved ones is key, because without them I am lost. The Holy Grail which is communication is another life-long lesson this year. Knowing that I am good as I am, sometimes even better than good, even when I feel alien. Giving energy to others without having any will give me more. Getting inspired by my family and act upon it. And more thereto. 

The seconds will roll by, hopefully for a long, long time, because I am eager to live every one of them.

Goodnight, forever, 21 year old me.