Last hour of a 21 year old

There it goes, this life of mine. Second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour and all of a sudden another year has passed and in that realization is nothing more but the now.

This year I’ve been treated with many new humans in my life, experiences – both physical and mental, I’ve lost my grandma, and I have ventured out on yet another journey in my own mind.

A journey which holds many questions regarding love and who to love, what to do and how to do it, follow impulses or be logical, be brave or be a coward, float in the moment or affect it, be modest or be blunt? 

All I know now is I appreciate being a thinker, needless to say I don’t need answers to everything but I appreciate the questions. They push me forward, challenge me and may make me draw elevated conclusions and decisions that would not have occurred if I didn’t think so much about…everything.

I also dare to say I know that following intuition and inner sayings is difficult in a world made up of structures and social norms, even more so than I thought before.

I’ve also started on a novel. I’ve started on many but this one is different. It plays out in my mind and lasts longer than two pages, maybe 300. I write on it, in one way or the other, a little everyday, I collect experiences and sayings which boil down into entering the book.

I long for film-sets, acting and the craft of filming. I’m starting to think that my fourteen year old self received a (quite apparent) hunch of what I want to do in life.

Life- Long -Lessons –  Not letting my own stress affect my loved ones is key, because without them I am lost. The Holy Grail which is communication is another life-long lesson this year. Knowing that I am good as I am, sometimes even better than good, even when I feel alien. Giving energy to others without having any will give me more. Getting inspired by my family and act upon it. And more thereto. 

The seconds will roll by, hopefully for a long, long time, because I am eager to live every one of them.

Goodnight, forever, 21 year old me.


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