life

Daily, Writings

Intelligent scum


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What if
people a hundred years from now
will look back at us
in the” rich” world
and ask:
Why didn’t you stop this from happening?
There are no flowers any longer
We have no trees
The bees
no longer buzz around our elbows and knees
The sun is scorching our skin
water tastes like tin
How could you forget nature is a living thing?
Strangle it
and it shall die
Who always survives the harshest conditions?
Parasites
Virus
Multiresistant bacteria
Termites

Humans

We are intelligent scum
Let’s be intelligent life

Daily, Writings

Five Months of summer


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I walk down to the park by Karlaplan that has a fountain in the middle of it. I see the Mc Donald’s where Anna bought burgers, fries and ice-cream to our heart-broken friend. I see the bench where we sat down for an hour, talked, laughed and wiped the tears off of her cheeks, reminding her of all good that came out of their relationship.

The day after we are sipping wine on my balcony for hours on end in the first warm strokes of brighter times. We are having the type of conversations which draws you in completely and fully. Where all of my attention is on the four eyes before me, their thoughts, which they formulate into words and land in my mind. In those moments I always think: this is what I keep on living for. This connection, the sharing of past experiences and the now, the stubborn will to understand, the urge to be there for one another and the quiet crackling of invisible bonds being made.

I took a photo, of course, and they damned me for being insensitive.
“I’m crying Josie, damn it! Could you just not take a photo right now?!”
I utter an excuse but in my mind I’m thinking: I need to capture this moment.
I want to remember.

That was the start of this summer and all of a sudden, as I am looking at the fountain, the memories from it come spiraling down from the sky and I experience it all again in a miniscule version.

It’s the 29th of October today, yet christmas seems further away than the summer we recently left behind does. Because it never stopped. I couldn’t believe it, is this my life now? One endless party with amazing, intriguing people who seem to be appearing out of nowhere.

The fountain keeps splashing water on me but I don’t care, I’m stuck in reflection.
What have these past months done to me?
They made me grow.
As a friend, a partner, a family-member, a professional, a party-animal 😉

I’ve experimented with my limits a lot. I’ve pushed mental barriers away into a deep dark corner of my mind until they’ve dissolved and tried my best to set myself free, to let go of control.
I’m a firm believer in that keeping principles of how life should be lived is the main reason to feeling dissatisfied, these months became the proof of that. For never have I felt this calm within. Even in anxious moments I can remain sane in the comforting thought of: “Only because you’re feeling this right now does not mean it will be you forever.”

As kids we explore, try and fail. As adults we try so hard to remain the same. Maybe because it’s worked so far, maybe because it’s the easy way out.
These past experiences became an important reminder of that without this pushing of myself, I’d never would have reached who I am today. A version of me that is probably the best one so far, something I’m very proud of.
It’s due to a little push from within but mainly thanks to each and every person that I’ve had the privilege to spend time with.

I’m going to keep pushing, exploring and experimenting.

I will grow but I will never grow up.

With that motivational quote, I leave you 😉

Daily, Photos

A quiet Sunday


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Sharing the sofa with Zampa, music flowing around me and the cold weather is intrusive from the outside. Mamma was here a minute ago and we shared a coffee and caught up. Absolutely love living in walking distance from all of my family.

My mental state is a bit fuzzy because Johanna and I had a very romantic dinner yesterday at Folkbaren, where they serve ridiculously cheap champagne…

Other than that I’m looking forward to this month. I’m going to:

– Act in a shortfilm on Gotland the 16-19th
– Produce sketches for Chris&Josie
– Do different projects for clients at Yadi Yada
– Go up north with Nils’s family for a couple of days
– Celebrate my friend’s birthday
– Maybe go to London to visit Elsa

Even though I’m not studying psychology half as much as I should I feel that I’m getting more and more into it. I’ve started observing behaviors, noticing defense mechanisms etc. I’m becoming that unnerving observing person that will apply all different psychology theories and diagnosis on everyone! Just kidding, all in all, I just love learning more and more about our psyche’s, it’s beyond fascinating how the mind functions.

Some random photos of late:

stories, Writings

Human-waste


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A man on the subway
Sunken cheeks, skinny bones,
White tufts of hair on his head
Blue, coming on grey, eyes
Carved roads on his forehead –
marks from all the times he’s reacted to something
Laughinkles next to his eyes
and I see
I see his stories playing before his eyes
a life lived
stories to be told
Veins in the color of the ocean run over his hands
as if each and everyone of them resembles a decision
I start talking to him
but he can’t hear me
he waves with his fragile hand over his ears
showing me he’s unable
It bothers me to the extent that I become teary-eyed
For here is another human with wisdom and stories that I won’t take part of,
nor will the world
How much human-waste is there in the world?
How many learnings and wisdom is buried with their owners?

adventures, Daily, Music

Tom Odelling


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Last night I had a pleasant reunion with Tom Odell, this thanks to Nils as I got the concert for my birthday.  The first time I saw Mr. Odell was in New York when Elena and I sneaked into a dinner-concert and got ourselves a table and some wine. I was completely compelled by his stage-presence and the way he humped his piano (didn’t see any of that yesterday though) =(. He and his band have this outstanding energy on stage which simply draws one in. Last night, I started crying during Grow Old With Me because I started thinking of my grandma and grandpa, my ma and pa, whether I will grow old with someone etc. In that moment my romantic, lovie-dovie, “love conquers all”-self thought: deciding on someone for the rest of your life and then do everything to make it work must be the most beautiful happening on earth. In the next, when a new song came on, my cynical self thought: “ÄH! Heck with marriage, people only get divorced anyways” and “ÄH I’ve heard open relationships are the new black.” Only time can tell for me, I guess. I hope for the first though.

IMG_2856.JPG

I just bought a ‘The Economist’-subscription instead of food. Somehow I thought that was reasonable. Also just got back from the gym where I thought I’d puke all over the treadmill at the same time as I would faint from exhaustion. Second time this week. Get a grip body.

That was a small excerpt from my life.

Over ‘n out.

Daily

Brace yourselves…


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I’m physically exhausted. Yesterday I ran like a maniac, 3 km fast warm-up, then doing 8x400m á 1.30min (fast for me because I’m out of shape, the WR is 47.60 seconds so there’s that comparison for you), then wrapped it up with 2km jogging. Today Sonja and I went boxing and now I’m laying here with out-of-order legs and arms. It’s a strange sensation, gravity has never felt this heavy. It’s like I’m carrying the weight of the world.

Although, in an hour my friends and I are doing something I’ve been longing for. We’re going to the launch of BOUNCE, a huge room filled with trampolines. I kid you not, this is a dream come true. FINALLY these type of venus are popping up in Sweden, they’re building a parkour-park too. Nothing gets me in a better mood than trampolines, monkey-bars, the ocean, ANYTHING that makes me feel free like a bird, a fish or nimble as a monkey. 

What else? We switched to winter-time this Sunday. The days become shorter and darker because the sun sets at 4, also, it’s been raining all day… Depressed yet? This is the time of the year when the Stockholmers disappear from the streets. They slowly crawl back into their caves to hibernate. You know this is happening to your friends when they stop snapchatting about their fabulous out-and-about lives and start going to therapy instead, I’m exaggerating, obviously. But not really, because according to Baba Pendse (chief physician within psychiatry) 90-95% of all Swedes become more moody during the winter. 1 million (10 %) gets seasonal affective disorder.

I will brace myself from this winter by: 

  • Working hard 
  • Run outside/take long walks 
  • Have a lot of dinners 
  • Cuddle with N 
  • Try new activites: salsa, paddle tennis, suggestions? 
  • Read books 
  • Go on a weekend somewhere 
  • Play games with my friends 
  • Be with my family 
  • Go to christmas-markets 
  • Play in the snow 
  • Go ice-skating 
  • Work out at fun gyms 
  • BOUNCE, duh!? 
  • WRITE a lot. Because this is the time of the year when I actually sit my ass down and write. 

 

 

Writings

Apocalyptic Delight


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We are striving in the light of pain
Thriving in apocalyptic delight
A life on the edge
desperately searching for magic
destructive behavior
The constant search for a savior
For at times, life is bleached
by the ruthlessness of
futility

It’s senseless to believe
we’re only here for fertility
when everything circles our
minds ability

Tidings of pain from the south
makes the Western world seem vain
Yet the destruction increases
satisfaction
Nurtured by that
we move on
thinking,

life is not all for nothing.