Author Archives: Josiemattsson

Brace yourselves…

I’m physically exhausted. Yesterday I ran like a maniac, 3 km fast warm-up, then doing 8x400m á 1.30min (fast for me because I’m out of shape, the WR is 47.60 seconds so there’s that comparison for you), then wrapped it up with 2km jogging. Today Sonja and I went boxing and now I’m laying here withContinue reading “Brace yourselves…”

Apocalyptic Delight

We are striving in the light of pain Thriving in apocalyptic delight A life on the edge desperately searching for magic destructive behavior The constant search for a savior For at times, life is bleached by the ruthlessness of futility It’s senseless to believe we’re only here for fertility when everything circles our minds abilityContinue reading “Apocalyptic Delight”

Long time no see

Been up in my head lately and haven’t been able to put words to my thoughts, but I’m thinking I’m done with that now. Sick of thinking, better start doing instead. Hence I’m back here in my little digital home. These past weeks I’ve been partying a lot, held our final presentation on our finalContinue reading “Long time no see”

Changing times

I’ve been through a whirlwind of thoughts these past couple of weeks. In particular it’s been about one decision. Negotiating with myself what the right move is, measuring pros and cons, seeking advice from everywhere. I’ve been searching for hints, something which could confirm or deter my choice. Then I took a decision. We’re goingContinue reading “Changing times”

People Engineering

A choice or two My voice Many others too Interfering Engineering my thoughts Setting them straight Mend me into a social saint Do this Not that Think this Not that Slowly losing the screws Which held me Made me Filled now with nails Of other people’s traits The concept of I Is now you YourContinue reading “People Engineering”

A Stockholm Chimera

There lies peace in this morning, it is nesting on the streets, huddling together with relief in a solemn embrace. Our beautiful city is a memory now, it exists in a thousands of digital and analogue photo albums, and in the minds of those who wandered these streets. Some of them, or many rather, areContinue reading “A Stockholm Chimera”

A day of everything

Started this day off with a casting for a commercial. I got to run around on a basket-court and felt very much at home (not with the basket, but the running). It’s my first casting where I get to be physically active and truly felt like the acting came more naturally since movement is kind of engravedContinue reading “A day of everything”

Saturday Morning Thoughtlings

His warm body slides down next to mine, despite the early hour, I am too awake for my own good. I steal kisses even though I know he would have prefered me not noticing his arrival, because he doesn’t want to disturb me. It must be around 4-5 in the morning and now that I’mContinue reading “Saturday Morning Thoughtlings”

Summer Memories & the complexity of memory

Summers tend to appear blurry, days vaporize into each other and create fuzzy memories. When did I do what? What happened when? Who was I with?  Thank you Steve Jobs for creating the smartphone so I can document whatever I want to in a jiffy and remember. Speaking of this, I wonder if I, dueContinue reading “Summer Memories & the complexity of memory”

Cacophony Misfortune

I can’t bear the sounds of the world, how they catapult and throw themselves upon each other combined into a hollow scream containing all horror created by mankind Ghastly moans from a neglected child The solemn sigh from a lonely soul A silent sob, one the citizens of the world has heard too many times,Continue reading “Cacophony Misfortune”

The Four-legged Ones

I’ve stumbled upon a bunch of cute animals lately, here’s an excerpt from the encounters. This is Mila, named after Mila Kunis, she belongs to Nils mother and sister. What a stunner eh? These summer-cats had it great compared to all the summer-cats here in Sweden that are bought by families, brought out to theirContinue reading “The Four-legged Ones”

A wonderful place called Skäret

Last week was spent at Skäret, Skåne, with Nils family. I was excited and a tad skittish about hanging out with his family for the first time, but it all went fine without any major disasters. They took me on tours around the surroundings in his fathers Jaguar Mark  II from 1960-something, which was theContinue reading “A wonderful place called Skäret”

Midsummer Madness

Arabo had been planning our midsummer feast for a whole week and when Midsummer’s day came, he, Pako and Sonja rolled into my kitchen with SO MUCH FOOD! The rest of the crew came at 4 and so we started eating + drinking en masse… 😉 Nils was game-leader and we played burnball, catching applesContinue reading “Midsummer Madness”

Mama’s Birthday

Two weeks back I had quite the party-week. It started off with a club-night with A and A, and the day after all of the fam + extended fam met up at Strandbryggan for lunch and celebrated mamma’s 54th birthday. The week then continued with a night at V’s (previous post), a rave on FridayContinue reading “Mama’s Birthday”

A magical night at Veronica’s

My friend Veronica hosted a dinner at her parents house at the most lush, serene, beautiful location. I was filled with joy over friends, jumping on a trampoline, the weather and all the other feelings that come with summer. Here are some memories from those 18h.   At random times half of the crew disappearedContinue reading “A magical night at Veronica’s”

The Power of One Person

And all of a sudden you start to feel, certain things It erupted from what one person said Those words, they make your being chime A tingle, you wake up from sleep you’ve been stirred alive Those words, cling to you like nothing before You know, they are your truth A person, evoked a sparkContinue reading “The Power of One Person”

I believe I’m living a dream

These summer-days are very dreamy. Not because the weather is good, because it ain’t. but because I get to hang out with friends at great locations, spend time with my family and kiss my boyfriend whenever I want to. I’m lagging behind in my very important blogging about my life, because life is running soContinue reading “I believe I’m living a dream”

Summer Indulgence

I’ve spent today in hangover heaven (read: hell). Had almost all of my girls here last night and we ate, drank wine and cackled away. Around 11 Anna and I headed to Karusell with another friend and danced away like maniacs, without inhibitions. When they closed we headed of to F12 and negotiated with theContinue reading “Summer Indulgence”

The Stained Man – a short story

It’s a solemn morning for the man who is busy pouring his coffee down the drain. He is mad, for all he can see is the stain, the stain on his white shirt which, in his mind, represents his life. He mutters to himself as he watches the rain trickle down the window pane; “I’mContinue reading “The Stained Man – a short story”

Hotel J with J and N

He told me not to book anything in on the 12th of June and let me live in oblivion till’ five days before when he revealed that we were going on a staycation in Nacka. Met him up by Dramaten, with butterflies in my belly and was stoked about going on a mini-adventure. We took the boat outContinue reading “Hotel J with J and N”

Play Seriously

I had my assessment today and it bugged me, it made me feel inadequate and wrong, lost and unintelligible. Haunted by the feeling of always doing too little, never enough. I structure a routine to fit everything in, ending up with a breakdown and smeary tears. When is “it’s enough” and “how active can oneContinue reading “Play Seriously”

Destruct to reconstruct

This headline could have been the beginning to one of my highly acclaimed poems but nah 😉 It’s all about the moving-in chaos that I currently live in. BUT, my bed is here, the sofa arrived today (currently sitting in it m m m), school’s out on Friday and summer is here! Life is friggin’Continue reading “Destruct to reconstruct”

The Nesting Sorrow

There is grief circling mind, like a ring of wildfire, it surrounds every thought. Not letting anything in, nor out. I push the memories back because they remind me, and reminciscing leads to tears and crying hurts. I woke up with a blistering headache, piercing through my head as if it was a spear ofContinue reading “The Nesting Sorrow”

Love, Never happened

We tremble As we stride through unknown territories To the sound of ‘Harmony of Pheromonies’ We reach As we speak quietly For each other’s inner entirety We seek As we, eyes locked, gaze solemnly For some sort of certainty We test As we tease in elation For a higher state of affirmation We find notContinue reading “Love, Never happened”

The Youthful Longing for Nothing and More

In Ghana I decided to live my life here in Sweden, more like I did there, which equals spending more money on food, drinks, events, activities, and in return get more experiences and fun-times. These past weeks have been all about sun-bathing (because summer came to Sweden?!?!! WHAT?!) going out, eating out, going to school,Continue reading “The Youthful Longing for Nothing and More”

In Kokrobite we danced in the moonlight

Yesterday we got back from Kokrobite, a small paradise an hour outside of Accra. We stayed in a honeymoon suite (to say the least) at Kokrobite Garden. With paintings, colorful houses, a beautiful garden and snaky pathways I think it makes for the ultimate setting for a wedding. The moon here in Ghana tends toContinue reading “In Kokrobite we danced in the moonlight”

Treats of Northern Ghana

As we woke up around 6.30 on Monday we brought our sweaty bodies out of the bed, into the sunlight. The warm breeze felt as good as a cold shower after a sauna. We were served a small breakfast consisting of meal-replacer bags. We headed out to say goodbye to Joshua, which was a heartfeltContinue reading “Treats of Northern Ghana”