I Have The Power Over Your Life

It’s a late Thursday-night. My mother and I are talking in the kitchen. Earlier this day our Dachshund, Snaps, with 15 years in his back, took a dump whilst he was eating. He also pees inside the house during night. When we go out on “walks” (50-100m long) he sniffs at one spot for such a long time that when he finally looks up again he is utterly confused about where he is, where I am, which direction he should be walking in, and what he was doing there in the first place.

When he wants to get into the house from the garden he sometimes whines with his head directed, not towards the door as one might think, but towards the wall next to the door.

All of these things happen with a cute looking expression on his face, and when he finally finds me again on our walks he comes running like a maniac, tail wagging, towards me.

Our discussion centered around how long he has left, but the undercurrent of our discussion was really: When is it humane/animane to end a life?

Now? Before his body starts turning on him for real and when he’s still happy-flappy without being in pain? Or, let his body do the job and take him down when it’s his time?

I have no answer.

Who am I to rule over someone’s life? Who am I to take him away from his life when his fire is still burning? Or is it burning?

15 years of friendship and love.

I have reached one conclusion in this and that is: The day when he shows no will to do anything – play, eat, walk or when he simply stops being curious, then it is time.

As of per usual when we talk about him, Snaps enters the room during our discussion, stretches, wags and looks at me. Okey, my friend, not now. But please be as clear when it actually is time, when you are ready to go.

Chop Chop

Cut me hair off a couple of weeks ago. “How does it feel?” people ask and all I reply is: “Freedom”. I can run around without getting hair in my face, I can workout without using a tuft. Another more psychological aspect of it is that I no longer “hide” behind long hair.

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This was me last year.

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Presentation Technique

To progress as a human it is fundamental to step out of ones comfort zones. It could be as simple as daring to walk up to a cute person in a bar or to present in front of X numbers of humans.

Thanks to school I got to meet and learn from Ilene Sawka. A wonderful person who accidentally became Crown Princess Victoria’s rhetorics teacher in English and after that her career in communication skills got up to express speed (my interpretation of it, she spoke only briefly about this).

Our mission was to prepare a 1.30min presentation about something we want to encourage people to do. My speech is in the post before this one.

When I stood there in front of a group of 8, including Ilene, my heart was racing, I could hear it thumping in my ears. I thought I would faint. We were filmed and then got feedback from ourselves, Ilene, and the rest of the group. My feedback was rewarding and satisfactory and so I knew I had done a good job. Although I can’t get it around my head how standing in front of a film crew, delivering someone else’s written lines, and being completely calm while doing so is so different from doing a presentation?!

It’s probably because I’m presenting myself and my own words, but STILL, it drives me nuts. I suppose practice, practice, and practice is the key and one day doing a presentation will be within my comfort zone.

Sweat Everyday as Matthew McConaughey Say

I’m in New York on a cold winter’s day.
I’m in the audience of The Actor’s Studio with James Lipton.
The guest of today is Matthew McConaughey.
Lipton asks: ”Matthew, how do you stay so fit?”
Matthew replies: ”Nah, I don’t have a particular exercise-scheme but I do stick to one thing, and that’s to sweat every God damn day.”
Ever since that day my motto when it comes to working out has been, and this, no matter how tired I am, or feeling like I’m not in the mood:
”Sweat everyday as Matthew McConaughey say.”
Because what Matthew meant by that is to actively sweat everyday.
To actively sweat means taking a walk for 30 minutes which reduces your risk of heart failure, decreases your blood pressure and enhances your mental health.
To actively sweat means walking up the stairs in your condo and doing it 10 times instead of 1 which will take up 15 minutes of your day.
To actively sweat means buying a jumping rope and jump for 10 minutes everyday.
To actively sweat is losing physical energy and gaining mental energy.
If your intention is to live a life full of energy and live healthily for a long time then I encourage you to Sweat Everyday as Matthew McConaughey say. 

Group Dynamics

There are 50 of us in my class. We have 50 different values, backgrounds, experiences, ways to view the world. We have left the honey-moon faze in our group and people have retreated into being individuals within the group. This means a lot of frustration, irritation, and patronizing bubble up to the surface.

Attending this school means I have embarked upon two journeys, one inner journey for me as a person, and a second one which is me in the group. Today during reflection I uttered my feelings on the disrespect people have shown to each other during this week and how disappointed/sad that makes me.

I realize how within a group/organization, it is so incredibly difficult to stay positive, happy and up-beat when the energy around is not connecting to those vibes. It teaches me how incredibly important reflection is because, and it does not come as a surprise, many felt the disconnection I’ve experienced as well.

It amazes me how so many can walk around with the same type of feelings but instead of talking about them, I for one, retreat back into myself, to protect me from whatever nastiness may arise. When everyone retreats back into their shells, what happens? The negative energy is nurtured and an evil circle is a given.

Therefore reflecting about our experiences and feelings reconnect the group and make us more prone to be alert and attentive to each other’s good and not solely  my own, individual good.

Being a part of this school, this class, is like being a part of a highly intricate social experiment and it gives me a high to be a part of this, because what is more exciting than getting to know humans and travel into their minds?

No matter how difficult it can be at times, spending time with 49 individuals everyday, all day,  it will always be worth it.

Ted Talk: Johann Hari

Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong – Johann Hari

This Ted Talk took all my intricate thoughts regarding addiction and pieced them together in one profound solution, as stated by a Youtube commenter: The opposite of addiction is connection. 

It all makes perfect sense and I find it incredibly disheartening and ignorant how the government all over the world treat drug addicts today. They forget about humans main need – which is to connect, be part of a group and feel like a part of life and other’s lives.

Susan Miller Horoscope

The last couple of months I’ve read my horoscope via Susan Miller. I don’t know why I do it, maybe because it’s intriguing to get a hunch of what the future holds?

According to the stars and planets, September holds incredible career-opportunities for a Sagittarius like me. Thus far, I have to admit, the horoscope has been weirdly accurate. I kicked this month off with the third interview of four for an exciting job and today I received a phone call from a casting agent who told me I’ve landed my second commercial-job.

Maybe I should wish upon a star more often? 

On a more serious note, as a firm believer in Law of Attraction, I do think that the positive predictions in a horoscope may encourage one’s mind to think more about it and because of that make it happen, or at least get closer to one’s goals.

It can’t hurt can it…

Does the body have limits?

Yesterday a friend of mine asked me to join her crossfit-program.
10min x2
First 10:
10 Tuck(?) jumps
10 dips
20 kb swings

Second 10:
40 overhead lunges w 10kg
30 box-jumps
20 mountain climbers
10 pushups

5 minutes into the first set, I was doomed. My pulse was raging. Every time I stood up my vision got blurry and the blood in my fingers, wasn’t there. I continued. 

“PUUUSH! You can do it! COME ON!” She screamed and I gave a puppy-eye look X3000 “please make it stop”. And that’s the thing. I am in charge. I am the one who can make it stop. Yet we continue, all of us who tend to push our bodies to its’ limit, in one way or the other. Because in our ignorance we believe we have no limits, because they can always be pushed. And that is what makes exercise a bliss. Minutes of complete control of oneself. Where the body overtakes the mind and where the super-ego is forced to step back to let ones id protrude.
I pushed limits yesterday. I realized I had nearly fainted when the world went black for a millisecond. Then I coughed blood because I guess a blood vessel burst within my lung. After that I forced my food to stay in the stomach when all I really wanted to do was puke all over the kettle bells.

Today I listen to my asthmatic lungs. They are screaming. They are damaged. They are muscles. And as all muscles do – they grow stronger after being damaged.

To put this pressure on one’s body is something I’d never do everyday. One of the most important lessons to learn when exercising and how to gain most out of it, is simply to allow the body to repair itself, and force one’s psyche to listen to the body and its needs. Needless to say, I do workout everyday, I sweat every damn day, because movement is fuel to the body and mind.

It does not matter if you are new to pushing your bodys’ limits, or in what way you do it. As long as you do. Always listen to your body and remember never to feel inferior when you see all the muscle-mountains/strengthy looking humans, roaming around in the gym, because your journey is yours and has nothing to do with anyone else. Regard the others in the gym as motivators, live off of their mental strength when you see them that day when you are feeling low on energy and not in the mood to even warm-up. We are a team, what differentiates us is that we have individual journeys.

HI100

Last Monday our program managers at Hyper Island gave us a brief. The brief was to create a list of the one hundred  companies which we find most attractive to work for. Along with that our task was to create an event for Friday. Needless to say, 260 brains started whizzing and buzzing. Then our PM’s left us for the rest of the week. My class, DMC (Digital Media Creative), headed to our floor where we split into subgroups, and then subgroups after that. I became a part of the PR team. Unfortunately I fell sick and got to observe the progress and process from afar. It was amazing to see how quickly things started to happen. All of a sudden a webpage was up: hi100

I worked on Thursday with something which my classmates made up: The Future Box. The venue which we have spent the last couple of weeks is a black box. They decided to create “The Future Box – what is within the box?”. We created several black boxes and then revealed on Friday that we are in the future box, because we are the future! I joined the event full of sponsors, video game room, OCULUS  RIFT & SAMSUNG GEAR VR! I was MIND BLOWN. The OR was a blue room with a chair and pen, whilst the Gear VR had different options of countries which one could visit. I accidentally chose Sweden, Fjällbacka, but anyhow, IT WAS AMAZING. I laughed and screamed at the same time, constantly thinking: I can’t wait till’ this is the future. Also a tad worried because I may not ever want to leave those virtual realities….

Pictures from the event:

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“Ugly but loveable” – Froosh, Molly said: “That’s me”, and I thought “likewise”…

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Into The Way Out Secret Cosmic Grinda Island

The 15th of August I, quite spontaneously, joined some of my classies to go to a one-day festival at Grinda. I had no idea what to expect and I guess I never could have expected what came before me anyway. The day was amazing, a brilliant Swedish summer’s day, which turned into evening with booze and wine, which turned into night with loud music and starry skies. We ended up on a cliff stargazing and it was magical. We intended to go home but all the taxi-boat drivers were apparently fast asleep and so we slept underneath the tent which covered the restaurant-patio. Young and reckless 😉

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The boys teased Ash who did not want his glorious curls to get wet and determinedly splashed water on him…

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This is where we slept. We collected blankets like ants collect needles and then we cuddled up in a 7-man spoon and slept till’ the sun hit our eyes. It was cold and cozy.

Tough Viking and No storage left

When I don’t write for a long time it’s as if my brain stocks up on all the events, experiences and learnings, till’ right about now – when the storage is full. Then I need to RELEASE, like a wild waterfall released from a dam.

Last Saturday I ran Tough Viking and now my arms look like bruised meat, the front-camera does not make it justice :

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Apart from being a dalmatian for days afterwards, the race was good fun! It was more convenient to run in 20°C than in 8°C as it was in England when my siblings and I ran Tough Guy. This time I ran with Isa, and the poor fella’ got so severely electrocuted by the 10000V obstacle that she face planted and twisted her wrist. She raced the finish line with a nose-bleed = TRUE VIKING!

I found the electricity to be extremely uncomfortable. I got shocked in my neck which lead to me tasting the dirt as well.

I recommend the race for anyone who is up for a dirty, fun, team-experience! Because it becomes a team-exercise due to all the different levels of fit people are on, we help each other. I don’t know what I would have done without the Superman-man who took a hold of my arm and literally swept me off of my feet and lifted me up onto the containers which were stacked upon each other. I send him good vibes forever. 

The Aged Me

I sense her vaguely. She’s is strong, vulnerable, sensible and wise. She knows things. She laughs a lot, cries a lot for she finds life overwhelming and beautiful at the same time. Had I met her today she would have hugged me, told me not to think too much. She is loving. She has a calm, an obvious place on earth, people are naturally drawn to her because of that. She is a mother, she is successful. Everything is in place. She is anxious sometimes but most of all she’s everything above.

Perhaps this is a dream-scenario. Maybe I’ll always have the same thoughts as I do now. Even though time is passing, maybe the mind remains more or less the same. I envy her calm demeanors, like as if nothing can touch her unless she decides to. I hope we’ll meet one day and that my inner demons of today are with her but not as substantial. That she fears naught and has embraced the power she has always felt from within.

One day we will meet, I’ll make sure of that.

Framily

After an intense week at Hyper with new impressions, new humans, new everything, I got to sit and chat with mom for a while before I went to Tanto with classies and folks from other classes to drink some wine and win(e)d down. When the sun set we headed to Debaser and everywhere I looked there were people from HI. We polluted that place! The class “above” us was there too and hearing their stories from their year at HI made me even more excited about what’s to come. Headed home when the night was still young but ended up with a headache and a zombie-head today anyway… Mom brought me out into the trails and I did 6x3min intervals. T’was funny because my body was wide awake during the intervals and I felt strong, but my mind was sleeping and I YAWNED during the intervals. Wtf.

Tonight I met up with Sonji, Fan, Max and Farr, it was very well needed to meet friends whom know one inside&out. Needless to say, meeting new people everyday in school makes the social brain go haywire, in a good way. 🙂

Goodnight.

UNICEF – First brief

An intense week at Hyper Island; “Ideation Week”. This is when we learn how to both build ideas but also narrow them down.

This is the week when we got our FIRST BRIEF EVER from a real client! Stoked to say the least!…And it could not have been for a better cause either. We are bending our minds inside-out this week for: UNICEF! 

My team and I reached consensus in our idea blurt-out this afternoon and tomorrow we will spend the day realizing it. On Friday all groups will present their creations. 🙂

Perseid “Shower”

Dad, Jake and I headed out on a perseid hunt last Thursday. Perhaps we went out too early, but to be the peak of the perseid-shower it was kind of a disappointment. Except from that I got to test my camera on a starry sky and I was baffled once again by this amazing machine.

We lay our bodies down on the cliffside and gazed out into the infinity.

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Ursa Minor

Horses & a Brave Mama

Mamma sits up on young wild horses and challenges herself everyday, pushing her boundaries with those big creatures. She is so brave and makes me ridiculously proud. She ignites my own will to constantly challenge myself, no matter what it is. The best gift a daughter can get. 

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Surrealism Photo Experiment

I’ve always been a fan of strong colors and sharp contrasts in my photos. Recently I’ve been forcing myself to try out new photo styles/edits to see what comes out of it. The never-ending exploration of photography continues.

These photos below are victims of my exploration, surrealism if you like, where I want the observer to fill in the blanks himself. 

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Barbie & Ken
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Her own world.
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The daunting flowers.

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Energized

What an intense week. We’ve been in a room with 250 people everyday, working with new humans all the time. The social brain has been on fire to say the least, partly because I had to try and understand how all the new acquaintances viewed things but also try to reach a conclusion in the tasks that were given to us. Felt kind of like an alien Thu and Fri due to fever. Now I know what it’s like being on top of my game in this setting when the inside is far down on the bottom – not beneficial nor fun….

Wednesday was incredibly fun though. Me and som classies headed to Tekniska Muséet where we roamed around like the children we are, laughed, made pranks, and played with interactive things.

Had a calm night at home last night to fuel up on energy but spent half of the night suffering from severe FOMO (fear of missing out for those of you who are not initiated). TODAY life feels easier! Heading to tha beach now. So long.

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A strange morph animal :’D
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We were born, we died, we resurrected.
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Framily photo!

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Not Too Cool For School

 I have a crush on school. Lucky me to have a crush on something hehe. Today was sweet, we are working with the other programs for a couple of weeks and meeting some of those guys was great, although it felt rough to pop the solitude-bubble of my class…=( We got to take part of a great lecture by Alex Neuman. He walked us through as well as clarified, what “digital” means. He talked about digital trends and the future, encouraging us to be the:

Builders of the future. 

A quote I’ll take with me and remind myself of. Never stagnate. Always learn and always see opportunities, or invent them.

A camera from back when. Will we be able to take photos with our eyes in a couple of years? Print a memory directly onto the screen? He who lives shall see.

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The day before Hyper

I was lucky last Sunday. I did not want to spend the day in nervous-excitement over beginning Hyper the day after, doing nothing. But luckily Elsa was heading to her family on Ekerö and I got to come with her! Off we went and when we arrived the sun was shining, everything good, till’ BOOM the sky opened and that schizophrenic weather kept on going all afternoon, sun/rain/sun/storm/rain/sun. Sweden, you amaze me.

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We headed to the Blue Lagoon, which was SO blue! Even bluer than blue. Nah jk… not that day but thank you saturation for fixing reality up.

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An evening of unexpected events

Lina came to me Saturday night. After a couple of hours of talking about everything new for me and about how she learns new things as a summer-stewardess I decided to go take a swim. Lina joined and after a while a couple of boys flew past us on their bikes. I said “just like the old days when E & R roamed around on their bikes”. We got to the pier and whom were there if not E & R?! It was them on their bikes! What a happy reunion!

We were talking when a boat came by and honked it’s honk honk which scared Zampa to death so she ran away. I took a bike and started bike home, as I presumed that’s where she was heading, and on our driveway I saw two stranger women, holding Zampa with the satchel flap…. talking on the phone with the police… Thank’s dogs for never causing any drama <3333

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Framily photo!

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The Talks

I want to encourage anyone interested in art/film/music/food/ yadiyada to explore this: http://the-talks.com

An online magazine created by Johannes Bonke and Sven Schumann. They meet with inspiring people and ask interesting questions. Great reads and for me it’s interesting to get to dive into the mind’s of hotshots within each area.

Here’s the interview with Meryl Streep http://the-talks.com/interviews/meryl-streep/

A Lazy Happy Content Wreck

Wow. What a week. I am too tired/hungover to write something even close to intelligent or reflective. But all and all, I could not be happier with how this week flourished into something ‘utterly brilliant I must say’! All my classies are amazing in their own way’s and the school is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced before.

After school yesterday we all roamed the streets to Systemet, bought food, went to Tantolunden, where we drank/laughed/got to know each other.

After a while the cells of 50 classies moved like one big organism to Skinnarviksberget. Where we spoke about cameras, photography, film-ideas and how to realize them, and then I was flushed with the emotion of finally being at home.

Some headed to Slakthuset whilst I and a bunch of fun fella’s headed to Marie Levau.

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First Day of School – Hyper Island, Digital Media Creative

The Hyper Island Way Week

50 new faces, voices, energies 

150 new life stories 

10 hours 

Those numbers sums up my first day at Hyper Island. I was beyond excited last night and this morning. I got about three hours of interrupted sleep. The urge to start took over.

The excitement is even stronger now, to get going for real, but things have been  added to it, a kind of gratefulness/happiness/relief/curiosity-state. 

I’ve encountered a ridiculous amount of life-destinies today and I am eager to get to dive deep into each and every one of them.

What a journey we have embarked on, me and my classmates. Soul-journeys and the obvious learning-journey

The only picture I took from today:

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My brain feels like a mashed potato and I’m going to try and wind down. It is a funny feeling to be completely and utterly psychologically drained and still not being able to calm the f down… 😀

Cookie-Dough Popsicles

Hola Señor/ita!

Today I’m spoiling you with a d.e.l.i.c.i.o.u.s enie menie mini mo cutie thingie treat.

This is what they should look like:

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This is what you’ll make them look like:

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Haha no sorry, I’m not going to go all Gordon Ramsey on ya. Anyway, here’s the recipe:

FIRST OFF – GET THE GOD DAMN INGREDIENTS, pardon me…. make sure you have all the ingredients available:

150-200g Almonds
150-200g Cashews
Pure Vanilla Powdah
Himalayan Salt, but if you don’t want to climb friggin’ Mt. Everest, get your regular table salt
200-250g Pitted Dates
1 tbs of Pure Peanut Butter (if you want)
A Pinch of Cardamom

Blend it all in a strong mixer till’ it’s all fluffy and inviting. Taste some of it……tasted good? Brilliant! Now turn the dough into small balls and place them on a smooth surface – plate/tray/whatever. Go to the forest and collect sticks. Wash them off. Squash them into the balls. JOKE. I took some chopsticks and broke them in half, that works too. Make sure they aren’t too long because then they won’t fit in the freezer…

A small advice from me – before you put them in the freezer, pour a tiny amount of honey in the small gaps between the dough and the stick. This will help the dough glue better to the stick.

Place them in the freezer for a good 15-30min.

In the meanwhile, stir up some chocolate,
SECOND OFF:
Coconut Oil 1dl (or more if you want a lot of chocolate)
Agave Syrup or Honey, blend it in till’ you like the taste.
Cocoa, as much as needed, but usually 1-3 tablespoons.

Get out the pop’s and start dipping them in the chocolate. Double-dip (hehe), triple-dip or even quadruple dip, in my opinion, the more chocolate, the better. It takes more time though since you have to put them back in the freezer for the chocolate to stifle before next dip.

Voíla! Trés bien! Now: DEVOUR!

Free from: refined sugar, gluten, lactose, animal products (- honey)

Is it possible to explain events in life through mathematics and physics?

In the mathematical field of dynamical systems an attractor is a set of numerical values toward which a system tends to evolve, for a wide variety of starting conditions of the system.

So I wonder, what are my numerical values normally?

Dynamical systems in the physical world tend to arise from dissipative systems: if it were not for some driving force, the motion would cease. (Dissipation may come from internal friction, thermodynamic losses, or loss of material, among many causes.) The dissipation and the driving force tend to balance, killing off initial transients and settle the system into its typical behavior. The subset of the phase space of the dynamical system corresponding to the typical behavior is the attractor, also known as the attracting section or attractee.

This means I am not the attractor, because the two situations which I have encountered these past two days are not typical behavior for my life, hence I must be an initial transient for drama?

A confusing start to a blogpost but what I’m trying to get at is that I find it interesting when life is seemingly free from drama and then two days in a row I happen to run into situations where people are/have been in danger.

1. Yesterday I got off the subway at Danderyds Sjukhus. 5 people standing around one man who is laying on the floor, shaking, eyes flickering, not responding. I walk up to them. Apparently he fell down on the floor. Another subway stops and a woman gets off and walks towards the crowd saying “Is anyone here a doctor?” “NO!” We all answer. “I am. Let me see how he is doing.” She proceeds with a medical routine, flashlight on his pupils, etc. Then he wakes up. His arm is bleeding. He looks dazed and she asks him to stick his tongue out. Which he does. He seems fine. Then he sits up and the ambulance is on its way.

2. Tonight, in the car, on my way home after running in the forest. A man stands on the verge of the road next to his car which has the warning signals turned on. He is on the phone, ripping his hair. I stop and ask him what has happened. “I crashed into the sign” “How are you?” I asked “Oh no no I’m good, just shocked, shaking”. I got out and helped him call a wrecker because motor-oil was pouring out of the car. He talked to family and friends a little. I made him laugh and tried to make him feel less shaken up. When he seemed better and the wrecker was sure to come, I left.

Hence the start of this blogpost, is it possible to explain events in life through mathematics and physics? What has shifted in my universe? I wonder if one could calculate situations in reverse then eventually one would be able to predict the future? 

The Habit of Writing / Growth of a Character

I set a goal for myself this summer – ‘write a story, longer then you’ve ever written before.’

I’ve had an idea which has been luring in the back of my mind for a while and when I decided to put it into words, it simply felt right.

The past year I’ve acquired the habit of writing something ever.damn.day. Whether it’s a diary-page, a small poem, a short-story, has not mattered. What I wanted was for my writing to become habitual. To make the urge to write a constant. It’s easier to write when inspiration flows from within, but I know writing is not easy, and my main goal has been to go beyond the “need for inspiration”. To find a place where I write, without judging myself and constantly reminding me of “it’s better that you write something useless than not writing at all”.

The articles and reportages on authors I’ve read, all state the same one thing when the interviewer has asked what their key to writing is – “sit your ass down and write”. 

What differentiates an author and someone who wants to write a book? – The author actually writes it. 

I have not come especially far – although further than ever – but the success is not within the amount of words, it is in the growth of the storyline and the characters. For the first time in my life I see my main character in front of me. And wow what a feeling. I know how she will react to different situations and what her thoughts are on those happenings.  Thanks to consistency and stubbornness my mind has learned how to put the story-pieces together, and trash the ideas (my darlings, if you so will) which are of no use.

It is an incredible journey I’ve embarked on and I am in ecstasy to see where it will end.